Let’s talk money, honey: How to have tricky finance chats (2024)

Money editor Dominic Powell and our experts share tips on how to save, invest and make the most of your money.

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If you’ve noticed an abundance of chocolates, roses and dewy-eyed lovebirds floating around this week, you won’t be surprised to hear it was Valentine’s Day on Wednesday. It’s the one day of the year you’re legally allowed to profess your love to your significant other and buy them gifts.

It’s also a perfect opportunity for businesses, brands, and finance writers who have absolutely nothing to do with love or relationships to awkwardly try to insert themselves into the narrative. Could you imagine? How embarrassing.

Jokes aside, navigating the financial side of a relationship can be one of the most daunting and awkward conversations to have, right up there with “do you want kids?” and “can we leave the fan on at night?“’. Rarely is it a simple conversation, and it’s further complicated by things such as mortgages, pets, and debt.

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What’s the problem?

A survey from big four bank Westpac this week showed that money was the top cause of stress for Australian couples, with one in five of us saying we rarely discuss finances with our partners. Over 90 per cent of couples say that money issues strain their relationships, picking frivolous purchases as the main argument that arises.

And it’s worth getting right. As Money columnist Victoria Devine wrote last week, staying married or de facto is one of the best ways to generate wealth and save money, with separations being financially debilitating – especially for women.

What you can do about it

Here are some tips on how to navigate the financial side of a relationship, and how to have some of those tough chats with your partner:

• When it’s a source of conflict: Do you fall into the category of people who find money chats stressful? You won’t get anywhere if you both dread the idea of discussing your finances, so before you do anything it’s key to clear the air and both get on the same page. Financial educator Melissa Browne says you should talk about it with your partner, but reframe the conversation to be curious, rather than judgemental. “[This is] so you can begin to understand who you are and why you both behave the way you do,” she says. “That might mean asking each other some questions such as: what was your money story growing up? What did you learn from your parents or family or peers about money? What have you rejected and what have you kept?”

• Having those difficult conversations: Even if you’re both open and easygoing when it comes to money, there are topics that will never be easy to broach, especially things such as prenups and joint investments. Not getting across these can be disastrous down the track, so it’s worth buckling up and tackling them when they arise, Browne says. Flag with your partner ahead of time, perhaps over text message, that you want to discuss the topic, which will give you and them some time to mentally prepare. “When you have the chat – whether it’s about having financial independence, financial transparency, opening up a joint bank account or even getting a prenup – try to be factual rather than emotional,” she says. “Make some talking points beforehand around the reasons why this is important and what you’re proposing.”

• Problems to watch out for: You may be in the position where you feel like there isn’t any financial conflict in your relationship, and if so, great! But some common issues can sometimes be hidden. Financial therapist Jane Monica-Jones says common money problems in relationships include power imbalances (where one person earns more and therefore believes they have more “say” in money decisions), having different financial values, financial infidelity (where one partner might be hiding their spending or have secret accounts), and a lack of communication. “It is important to be transparent about your financial situation, including income, debt, and expenses, to build trust,” she says.
• Build the habit: Once you’ve got it all out in the open and you both feel more relaxed when it comes to talking shop, make sure you keep it up. Consider booking in a semiregular (say, once a month) financial date night where you get dressed up, have a nice dinner, and talk about budgets. Could you think of anything more romantic? Me either.

Advice given in this article is general in nature and is not intended to influence readers’ decisions about investing or financial products. They should always seek their own professional advice that takes into account their own personal circ*mstances before making any financial decisions.